I eagerly looked at the red, shiny disc mounted on the little, white stick. I spinned it around for a few seconds and then carefully removed the transparent plastic wrapper on the bright, red crystal. As I relished the sweet treat, I told myself " This is the best thing I have tasted in my life.. much better than the caramel candies I have been handing out all day!". It was my third birthday and we were at Varkala naturopathic center. You had brought a large bag of caramel sweets; each wrapped in different colors-red, blue and green; to distribute to the people staying there. I felt quite important and loved all the attention as people beamed at me and wished me Happy Birthday. I walked into the chief doctor's office and delightedly gave him a handful of my birthday candies. In return, he gave me a lollipop. I stepped out of the room in ecstasy; wishing this sweet ball of yumminess would last forever. After I was done distributing all the candies, you decided to have a sauna bath to relax your nerves. I sat on a side bench watching you in the sauna machine while enjoying my lollipop. My excitement turned to fear as I thought you were being burnt alive in a large barrel with just head popping outside. I was so relived you came out alive that day.
"You are Marykutty's photocopy!!" This is a dialogue I often heard growing up. No wonder my first ever memory of myself is closely linked with you!
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I eyed with suspicion the tiny, brown beans next to the heap of soft, cooked rice and dollop of white, creamy curd. I was nine years old and it was summer vacation. We were visiting our homestead in Kozhuvanal to see Ammachi in a long time. After a winding bus ride we finally reached home late evening; hungry and tired. I ran down the brown, mudded road that leads to the house; eager to see if the rope swing we had last year was still hanging from the tamarind tree in the front yard. It was quite dark ; the sun had already set and it was also time of the scheduled daily power cut. Ammachi greeted us on the cemented veranda holding a faded yellow, brass kerosene lamp. A few minutes later, you went to the kitchen and brought a round, steel plate with dinner and we sat together on the wooden table next to the kitchen. Ammachi placed the kerosene lamp on the table and under its dim, yellow light I glanced at our dinner apprehensively. I was an immature, food racist at that time who always preferred white rice, whit puttu and was always skeptical about anything with a shade of brown; especially if new. My hunger pangs told me that beggars can't be choosers. I mixed the warm rice with soft beans and placed it in my mouth. l fell in love instantly with the subtle, nutty flavor of brown beans and sourness of the curd-all tied together with the soft, sticky rice. I gulped up the whole plate and went to bed with a happy tummy.
A week later we went to Kottayam Railway station to catch an overnight train to Calicut. You had packed rice, vanpayar thoran, curd and sardine fries for dinner to have on the train after boarding. As the train chugged away, you made tiny balls of rice, curd, beans and little pieces of sardine. You gently placed the little balls in my mouth one at a time.. it tasted like heaven. There was a family sitting opposite to us; a teenage daughter who was yelling at her mom. I felt bad for that mom and while enjoying your delicious rice balls I promised myself I would never ever do that to you.
Food always tasted a million times better when you served it with your hands. Over the years, you would often make vanpayar in different styles knowing how much I loved it. You also made sure there was a batch of mango pickle at home, knowing that this was another one of my favorites. I remember begging for the yummy balls of puttu and pazham even as a teenager when you would make it for Mathews.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Exam season meant it was time for your special, steaming cup of Bru coffee. . Even if you were busy with your tuition classes, you would make sure I had a cup of Bru before I left; as if the coffee would magically give me the answers to all questions; even the ones I didn't know. While sipping the coffee, I would feel guilty about not being good enough and wishing I prepared better for the tests.
As an adult, I always start my day peacefully sipping a cup of black coffee made with Bru. Even if it is made without sugar, I enjoy it as it is sweetened with all the warm memories it brings back.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
During my internship, I got to stay with you and Pappa as a single child. Since both of you had more time, I would come back home to find all my favorites ..from Aviyal to Erissery to chemeen curry; the list goes on . This made me even think that being an only child as Deechechi always wanted was actually not a bad idea.
Even as a young adult when I should be taking care of myself and cooking for you , you never stopped treating me with more delicious food. During my residency and fellowship, I would come back home to the the delicious smell of all my favorites. On every trip to visit me you would bring bottles of spicy pickles, crunchy jackfruit fries, sun-dried bananas and spicy, aromatic coconut powder. You have even fearlessly imported delicious pomfret fries wrapped in banana leaves so that I could enjoy this childhood favorite of mine.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Love can be expressed in many ways. You have shown me your love; not just by cooking my favorite food but a million other ways: sharing your passion for chemistry, patiently draping my saree through adult hood, leading by example of being a lifelong learner by working hard on your doctorate, by zealously continuing your passion to teach after your retirement., taking care of my little ones as if they were your own and, sharing your love for chemistry with Danichan by teaching him the periodic table. I am glad to have inherited Papa's unique, slow weight gain metabolism; but I am proud and happy to be your photo copy with big round eyes, extra-long nose and an everlasting love for chemistry.
